When you are so high you don’t even realise what you are doing
One Of The Reasons To Ban Igbo (Marijuana) Smoking,
One man got high on Igbo and was searching for his phone with the torch light from the same phone he was looking for. He was so worried in the search and was about to break down in tears. His friend who was also high on igbo joined in the search. After two hours of searching, the phone which was in his hand rang.
He answered the call, “Please, I will call you back later, I am looking for my phone”. And cut the call in anger and continued searching for the phone he just answered a call from.
He decided to use the same phone to try calling his line and when he got a ‘user busy’ notice, he turned to his friend and said, ”My phone is gone joor. Let’s forget about it. The person that stole it is running to the market to sell it, that is why it just told me user busy”.
His friend nodded in agreement, and they both went to bed.
ONE WORD FOR THIS MAN?
Nigeria My Beloved Country
NIGERIA….MY BELOVED COUNTRY.
• Where our mothers use ice cream bowls to store pepper in the fridge
• Where ladies don’t accept flowers for valentine or birthday.
• Where lizard go look ur eyeball, node head say “notin dey happen guy”
• Where a blind beggar will reject a fake nairanote.
• Where Groundnuts are sold in BOTTLES and WATER is sold in SATCHETS.
• Where parents claim they were always first position in school.
• Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A ‘DRIVER’s LICENCE’
• Where government officials don’t know the national anthem.
• Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and given a chieftancy title for stealing millions.
• Where we fight for everything. To gain admission to university, to get a job and worse still to enter a bus!
• Where u are robbed of your phone and the robbers come back for ur Pin code n charger.
• Where ur type of GENERATOR shows how RICH you are.
• Where you can easily blame your family members in the village for your problems.
• Where rich men must have pot belly.
• WHERE IF U DO ANYHOW U GO SEE ANYHOW.
• Where generator is a social amenity.
• Where people dey collect change for beggarhand.
• Where igbo men produce Toyota camry jeans and Dr’dre slippers
• Where the man who had no shoes is the president.
•Where bb torch is sold in traffic for N12k!!!!
I dey find My wife
Akpos enters a church n finds the priest.
Priest: How may I help you son?
Akpos: Im looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she’s not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess. Then go to the confession area
Akpos: forgive me father for I have sinned
Priest: What are your sins my son?
Akpos: The other day, I went looking for my wife at her home but she was not there. I found her sister alone, I slept with the sister.
Priest: Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess
Akpos: Then another day I went looking for her at her aunt’s place but she was not there, I found her cousin alone, I slept with the cousin
Priest: You know that is wrong my son
Akpos: Then the other day I went looking for her at her working place. She was not there, I found her colleague alone…
Priest interrupts: Let me guess, you slept with her colleague
Akpos: Yes father
Then there was total silence after that.
Akpos: Father?
Akpos: Fatherrr?
Still no reply
Akpos: Father are you dia??
Akpos peeps through and finds out that the priest is no longer there . He looks for him and finds him hiding.
Akpos: Why are you hiding father?
Priest (shaking with fear): I’ve just realised I’m the only one here and you came looking for your wife.
A LESSON IN MORALS
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
NIGERIA PIDGIN PROVERBS
*Craze no hard to form,na the trekking be wahala. English translation : Easier said than done.
*No matter how hot your temper be,e no fit boil beans. English translation: Calm down, your temper won’t solve the problem.
*Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup. English translation: You can’t run away from your destiny
*Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap. English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever.
*Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef. English translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don’t rush!
*Akara and moin moin get the same parent, na wetin dem pass through make dem different. English translation: How you start doesn’t matter, what matters is how you finish.
*Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus. English translation: Give everyone what they deserve.
*The difference between kpekere and plantain chips na packaging. English translation: Don’t judge based on appearance alone.
*Escort me, Escort me, na im slave trade take start. English translation: Serious things sometimes start like a joke.
*The water wey dem use take make eba can never be recovered back. English translation: Don’t cry over spilled milk.
Apoks thief fridge O
Akpos a crippled was arrested in connection of stealing a big refrigerator. On judgment day a Judge from High Court said, “upon looking at you, i have seen that you cant be a thief due to your walking disability. So, since they have disgraced you and your CV has been destroyed i order you to take this refrigerator to be yours from today. Let it be
your compensation”. Akpos thanked the Judge and with joy he jumped down from his hand bicycle. He crawled and took the refrigrator by the back going home. After he crawled about ten metres, the Judge said, “you have successfully shown us that you are indeed a thief. Now you are jailed for two years imprisonment with hard labour.
your compensation”. Akpos thanked the Judge and with joy he jumped down from his hand bicycle. He crawled and took the refrigrator by the back going home. After he crawled about ten metres, the Judge said, “you have successfully shown us that you are indeed a thief. Now you are jailed for two years imprisonment with hard labour.
Naija Chuch
It’s only in Assemblies of God church that you will see the pastor be like
“God shall promote you in your offices ” (everybody will shout Amen)
” All you politicians will win your elections “(everybody will go and give offering)
” All you gals will marry oil company workers” (every gal will shout ride on sir we hear you)
Then the pastor will be like “All this things will happen only if you pay your tithe, when you stop stealing public funds and when you stop fornication in Jesus name.. Lwkmd u won’t even hear Amen and even the politicians that wanted to give a 10 million naira offering via cheque will kokoma change it to 10,000 naira Hahahahaha Hahahahaha.. Na my church and I know how e de be.. Killing sinners joy..
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